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doongisharing some thoughts/notes on ao3: i’m only playing along like i’m somebody else [🔞]
well. this was an interesting fic for me. it's btsvt, and i Do love a crossover fic but it started as one of those twitter prompt ideas (which in general i have a terrible track record with...) and it wasn't supposed to become an actual fic.
i've always said i wanted to write a fic which is the first in the tag and while i've already written another rarepair crossover, it didn't quite make the cut of first fic in the tag. and this one...this one also has one other fic in the tag...so thwarted yet again.
i am not a fast writer by any means but i checked my gdoc version history to realize i started writing this in december of 2020...like. that's embarrassing. and more than embarrassing, it's been so long since i've started writing it that my relationship w/ these fandoms, w/ rpf for these fandoms in particular--has fluctuated quite a bit. i don't think i'm at a point now where i'd start this same wip and write it the same way. i think--to be very specific--i don't know if i'd write namjoon like this again.
but with all this, i wanted to write this fic, and more than that i wanted to finish writing it. partly because kita prompted it but also because i think i wanted to see namwoozi in this very specific way that i figured would only really happen if i wrote it. sometimes you have to make your own food yada yada.
to be honest, while writing this i also came to terms with the slowly dawning realization that this might be one of the last bts-related fics i write; and even if i were to write something else, i feel like i'd only be writing about them in a cross-over capacity. and that was interesting, feeling that waning interest in writing about this specific set of characters while actively writing said character. (i'm not above saying it's bittersweet, in a way, but i'm also finally At This Point. i've been seeing others go through the same thing and i Get it now. and bts has enough people writing for it. i enjoyed my time with them.) but i think that became all the more the reason that i wanted to finish this fic, like some sort of proper farewell (i know. i know that's cheesy as hell sorry).
this is a namwoozi fic but i realized pretty quickly while writing it that it was still really about jihoon and mingyu. i think mingyu plays a huge part in it even when he's not physically present in a scene, and i wanted that/hope that shows. i want his presence to be as inescapable for the readers as it was for jihoon. (like i say in the worknotes, this is a jigyu fic masquerading as a namwoozi. if u don't like jigyu u probably won't like this lol).
i do still feel kind of off-kilter about the way i've chosen to write jihoon here. part of me feels like i've made him too angry and especially after the tipsy live content we got--i think the last thing i want to do it make him come off as someone who is out of touch with his feelings, but i wanted to strike the balance with that and the anger/disappointment he feels in not being wanted back by someone he wants.
for namjoon, too, i didn't want to overcompensate and make him too suave/self-confident & i didn't want everything to feel too perfect, but i wanted him to have the kind of glamour that someone like RM might have to someone else in the industry.
i don't know if i succeeded on either front!
in this verse, svt still exist but bts don't. technically speaking this could have been a post-canon post bts d*sbandment fic though that's not what i ended up doing, mainly because i wanted RM to be this separate identity where woozi was part of a group. i don't have much to say on this front but i do think it is interesting that namjoon is solo-promoting right now. 🤐
i'm going to be posting a 2022 writing roundup soon too but this fic feels at such odds with the rest of the things i'd written this year and then i realized that was bc it was basically just a drawn-out pwp. i don't know why i do this to myself--i don't like writing pwp, i've always thought.
but the next fic i wrote after this was also a pwp and i realized i'm suddenly finding it easier right now to frame things through the lens of pwp than anything else.
i don't know what that says about me and i have mixed feelings about this lol. this doesn't say anything re: the quality of my writing, either, so...yeah i don't know where i'm going with this one.
let's see if i can branch out into writing different kind of fic in the new year, i guess? [more on this in coming in a 2023 writing]
i don't really have an elegant closing thought. i think this was really just a very self-indulgent endeavor that i'm really glad/relieved/surprised i actually saw through to the end + reception to it--which has never been very, uh, widespread, for my works (but that's not the point!)--seems to be just as excited rather than viewing this as a very outlandish pair/scenario (which really, it is, but in the realm of rpf that's a different convo) and that makes me happy to see.
[spoilers, if u care abt that kinda thing] i said earlier this was about jigyu but the flip side to that is the namjoon & yoongi which will always have hooks in my heart i think. a lot of ppl called the ending namgi reveal a "twist" which is not what i was intentionally going for—(like, i wasn't intending that the namgi be this whole surprise gotcha moment)—but it's interesting that it read like that. on a tangentially related note i love heist fic but so far i've avoided writing anything of that genre because i don't think i have the capacity to write a satisfying 'twist' (among other reasons). this is different, obviously, but...well maybe i will try and expand my horizons now.
anyways how is this for a dw post. at least i finally wrote something
why this happened
well. this was an interesting fic for me. it's btsvt, and i Do love a crossover fic but it started as one of those twitter prompt ideas (which in general i have a terrible track record with...) and it wasn't supposed to become an actual fic.
i've always said i wanted to write a fic which is the first in the tag and while i've already written another rarepair crossover, it didn't quite make the cut of first fic in the tag. and this one...this one also has one other fic in the tag...so thwarted yet again.
i am not a fast writer by any means but i checked my gdoc version history to realize i started writing this in december of 2020...like. that's embarrassing. and more than embarrassing, it's been so long since i've started writing it that my relationship w/ these fandoms, w/ rpf for these fandoms in particular--has fluctuated quite a bit. i don't think i'm at a point now where i'd start this same wip and write it the same way. i think--to be very specific--i don't know if i'd write namjoon like this again.
but with all this, i wanted to write this fic, and more than that i wanted to finish writing it. partly because kita prompted it but also because i think i wanted to see namwoozi in this very specific way that i figured would only really happen if i wrote it. sometimes you have to make your own food yada yada.
to be honest, while writing this i also came to terms with the slowly dawning realization that this might be one of the last bts-related fics i write; and even if i were to write something else, i feel like i'd only be writing about them in a cross-over capacity. and that was interesting, feeling that waning interest in writing about this specific set of characters while actively writing said character. (i'm not above saying it's bittersweet, in a way, but i'm also finally At This Point. i've been seeing others go through the same thing and i Get it now. and bts has enough people writing for it. i enjoyed my time with them.) but i think that became all the more the reason that i wanted to finish this fic, like some sort of proper farewell (i know. i know that's cheesy as hell sorry).
the characters
this is a namwoozi fic but i realized pretty quickly while writing it that it was still really about jihoon and mingyu. i think mingyu plays a huge part in it even when he's not physically present in a scene, and i wanted that/hope that shows. i want his presence to be as inescapable for the readers as it was for jihoon. (like i say in the worknotes, this is a jigyu fic masquerading as a namwoozi. if u don't like jigyu u probably won't like this lol).
my ever-present issues with characterization
i do still feel kind of off-kilter about the way i've chosen to write jihoon here. part of me feels like i've made him too angry and especially after the tipsy live content we got--i think the last thing i want to do it make him come off as someone who is out of touch with his feelings, but i wanted to strike the balance with that and the anger/disappointment he feels in not being wanted back by someone he wants.
for namjoon, too, i didn't want to overcompensate and make him too suave/self-confident & i didn't want everything to feel too perfect, but i wanted him to have the kind of glamour that someone like RM might have to someone else in the industry.
i don't know if i succeeded on either front!
idolverse, but not quite
in this verse, svt still exist but bts don't. technically speaking this could have been a post-canon post bts d*sbandment fic though that's not what i ended up doing, mainly because i wanted RM to be this separate identity where woozi was part of a group. i don't have much to say on this front but i do think it is interesting that namjoon is solo-promoting right now. 🤐
plot? [what plot]
i'm going to be posting a 2022 writing roundup soon too but this fic feels at such odds with the rest of the things i'd written this year and then i realized that was bc it was basically just a drawn-out pwp. i don't know why i do this to myself--i don't like writing pwp, i've always thought.
but the next fic i wrote after this was also a pwp and i realized i'm suddenly finding it easier right now to frame things through the lens of pwp than anything else.
i don't know what that says about me and i have mixed feelings about this lol. this doesn't say anything re: the quality of my writing, either, so...yeah i don't know where i'm going with this one.
let's see if i can branch out into writing different kind of fic in the new year, i guess? [more on this in coming in a 2023 writing]
final thoughts?
i don't really have an elegant closing thought. i think this was really just a very self-indulgent endeavor that i'm really glad/relieved/surprised i actually saw through to the end + reception to it--which has never been very, uh, widespread, for my works (but that's not the point!)--seems to be just as excited rather than viewing this as a very outlandish pair/scenario (which really, it is, but in the realm of rpf that's a different convo) and that makes me happy to see.
[spoilers, if u care abt that kinda thing] i said earlier this was about jigyu but the flip side to that is the namjoon & yoongi which will always have hooks in my heart i think. a lot of ppl called the ending namgi reveal a "twist" which is not what i was intentionally going for—(like, i wasn't intending that the namgi be this whole surprise gotcha moment)—but it's interesting that it read like that. on a tangentially related note i love heist fic but so far i've avoided writing anything of that genre because i don't think i have the capacity to write a satisfying 'twist' (among other reasons). this is different, obviously, but...well maybe i will try and expand my horizons now.
anyways how is this for a dw post. at least i finally wrote something